Drinking and driving in a spaceship is probably not as cool as it sounds.

July 27th 2007 – A panel set up by the American National Aeronautics and Space Agency (NASA) has discovered that at least two astronauts, on two separate missions, were inebriated upon takeoff. They were cleared to fly, even though they broke the 12 hour pre-flight sobriety rule. The panel report (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/bsp/hi/pdfs/27_07_07_nasa.pdf) recommends much more strict and frequent physical, psychological and psychiatric testing for astronauts with an approaching flight. Furthermore, the panel wisely recommends that NASA reviews if said testing and data collection is accomplished following established guidelines and procedures. To summarize it all, the panel is telling NASA that they screwed up and that it has no idea what new regulations to implement to avoid future problems.

I certainly agree that, to fly a billion dollar spacecraft out of our atmosphere and into the vacuum of space, one must be at the apex of his physical and mental efficiency. On the human side, I can’t condemn these pilots too much; they were ABOUT TO FLY A BILLION-DOLLAR SPACECRAFT OUT OF OUR ATMOSPHERE AND INTO THE VACUUM OF SPACE! The levels of fear, stress, denial and disbelief probably give a secondary use to the adult diapers they were wearing.

Perhaps this is not an excuse to cool down nerves with some Bourbon, but surely, the media have blown this story out of proportion. I accuse them of not taking two crucial facts into account. Firstly, these astronauts were declared fit to pilot the darn thing an hour before takeoff. I trust that the inspectors clearing them were not also drinking and that they knew what they were doing. This supposition, in turn, suggests that these pilots were not staggering about and vomiting in their helmets as they climbed the ladder to the hatch. I question the amount of alcohol that the media equate to ‘being drunk’. Secondly, the media uses the term pilot as it applies to a car or bicycle driver. This second faulty supposition denies the existence of a multitude of on-ground specialists and millions of dollars worth of automated subroutines operating the craft. Much like an airline pilot, the astronaut pilot’s primary function is to supervise the smooth unfolding of the operation and to maintain constant vigilance, should anything fail. The correct analogy would be the passenger in a car, not the driver; should the driver experience a heart attack, fatigue or explosive decompression, the passenger can jump into action to remedy the situation and return the vehicle to a safe location. My point is that the spacecraft, which these accused men piloted, did not swerve upon take-off and hit a tree as in cartoons.

Alcohol as a quick method of tension-relief has been historically present since the dawn of sedentary man, 10000 years ago. Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey are packed with references to heavy drinking the night (or even the meal) before an attack on the walled city of Troy. No one got to sleep in because of a hangover; they had to go risk their lives for a pointless personal endeavour (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trojan_war). Closer to our time period, rum (or grog) was the chosen nectar on circumnavigational voyages of the 16th and 17th centuries. It kept longer than water and provided a brief respite for the sailors who lost captain Magellan in the Philippines, halfway through their quest; for massive amounts of colonists to the new world, tortured by scurvy; and for Davis, Cabot and Frobisher’s men, frostbitten by a fruitless endeavour to fin a northwest passage through the Canadian north. Could they have persevered and survived through these harsh times without it? Of course! Can you dig a hole with your hands even if you have a shovel handy? Sure. As my dad always said ‘Work hard, party hard’.

I am not excusing the astronauts, I am understanding them. I would personally be fired for showing up inebriated at my place of work so my understanding has its limits. You have to work hard BEFORE you party hard.

(Pictured: Dionysos, god of wine and festivities, tempting mortals with the substance - Space shuttle Columbia launching in April 1981)

End.