Differently-abled Bears

April 26th, 2008 – A Canadian gouvernmental panel has declared that the 15,000 remaining polar bears are ''at risk'' in the great north due to hunting and global warming. Furthermore, this panel concluded that, unfortunately, the polar population was not declining fast enough to be declared an endangered species. Instead, they have assigned to it the PC/alarmist for the fun of it, term ''species of special concern'', or what I call ''bearcapable''.

Once again the eco-friendly lobby groups, and the political parties liable to gain by catering to them, are stirring up a storm of controversy where there is none. They even admit there is no immediate danger yet this story is on every major western media service this morning. Other lesser concerns include: a pending civil war in Zimbabwe, dozens dying in renewed Gaza fighting, Syria trying to build a nuclear reactor, the failure of teen abstinence programs in the US and a man being killed by a shark in California. The green lobby thinks too much and doesn’t necessarily need to invent concern where there is none; they could simply trivialize important news towards their cause. Example: The South African marmot population declining rapidly amid Zimbabwe tensions, Murdered Palestinians polluting arable soils by not being recycled, Syria making great strides in eliminating dangerous fossil fuels and going ''green'' with nuclear power (you see the play on words there?), Teen abstinence program fails while vegan propaganda soars and finally, Pacific shark population endangered by fatty diet. It’s not perfect but then again, I don’t have the hundreds of millions of dollars in discretionary funds to twist these stories in a properly questionable manner.

On the other hand, the Polar bear population WILL adapt to receding ice sheets and the Canadian government can certainly impose a limit on a number of polar pelts we are allowed to gather. To be fair to humans, polar bears have no natural predators, kill many baby seals and wear fur, what a hypocritical bear. They also seem to be using advanced technology such as winter camouflage and thermal invisibility, what devious and shameless creatures! You see, anthropomorphisation (the assignation of human emotion, values and motivations to animals) has to go both ways if PETA shows us pictures of ''depressed'' test rabbits and ''happy'' released lab rats.

To tie in the concepts of obeying to the whims of the green lobby and their misdirection/manipulation of the public, we are taking a trip to 1739…39…9…9…(echo). Benjamin Franklin and the other founding father could disputably have a bone to pick with the massive urbanization of the American east coast, considering that tanneries and butcheries operate directly in city centers, dumping their toxic waste into the streets. Later in the XIXth century, Franklin’s petition of ''natural rights'' inspired other green movements, mostly championed by artists… One such writer was Henry David Thoreau. During his illustrious career, he retreated from society into the deep wild and wrote about Nature’s inherent and primary rights. In his book ''Walden'', he even cited that people should become intimately close with nature (I kid you not). Not to compare Thoreau with Al Gore but at least the former seemed to personally apply his preaching whereas the latter drives around in a diesel limo fueled by self-satisfaction. Thoreau greatly influenced the masses and therefore the government by propagating his views of subservience of human rights to nature (screw the slaves, they are keeping the cotton and tobacco fields happy).

Back to 2008…08….8…8…(echo), don’t get me wrong, I respect people who stand up for a cause they believe in. I just question the priorities of such people and lose all respect for them when they try to manipulate public opinion through alarmist propaganda. The special needs bears will probably not know they are now a species of special concern or that I am laughing at them (hopefully). They are only concerned with the juicy fish that doesn’t know what’s coming and the native hunters running after it. The Canadian government needs to either put more money in tax reforms or put more money in Bear legislation. One thing they absolutely have to do is stop creating committees that pump out fatuous and useless reports with no concrete results, simply to capitalize on the green fad.

(I promise I will lay off Al Gore for a few months)

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(Pictured: Henry David Thoreau, trying to spot a foxy tree hole - Two Polar bears evolving bipedal movement to one day replace us all)

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