Money, Money, Money

April 2^nd, 2009 – This Thursday, London hosted a summit meeting of the G20, an organisation of world leaders, international organisations and world financial institutions. As it was founded in 1999, it had a clear, if not vague, goal of fostering “sustainable economic growth and development”. It would no longer be a secret that in the epilogue of the Cold War, the capitalist world order would relegate the human experience to an economic equation. Indeed, in the current worldwide financial meltdown, we have seen the general decline of culture, democracy, good times and general standards of living. It is only natural that the great owners and transaction dealers of money meet in London to determine our future.

To this meeting were invited the heads of state of all important economic countries such as China, Germany, France, Russia, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Brazil and Canada (it should be mentioned that the Canadian Prime Minister went to the bathroom when all the other leaders were lined up for a picture – upon learning this, all Canadian citizens echoed what President Obama said at the time but with more scorn than smile: "Where is Canada?"). Furthermore, the United Nations, European Union, World Bank, World Trade Organisation and International Monetary Fund were invited to complete the roster of humanity's financial managers.

The short meeting ended with massive protests beyond the security perimeter and an agreed-upon investment plan within the walls of the most secure location in the Solar system at the time. 1.1 trillion dollars will now be given to worldwide development banks and the International Monetary Fund to boost world trade, increase lending to Third World countries and to generally help international commerce.

That being said, the G20 organisation is a very young concept and is not necessarily easy to compare to specific historical parallels. That is why the capitalist world order, its actors and money in particular link our subject to the recent past. As seen in London, money provokes and relieves all the ails of mankind and only those who have it can help those who lose it or simply enjoy burning it for entertainment. I submit to you the Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi. On behalf of Italians, Silvio was to participate at this summit as another serious head of state; too bad for the Italians he is a buffoon.

The Buffoon

He noticeably annoyed the Queen of England with his boisterous manners in London this week and angered Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany later on when they were both supposed to show up at an official ceremony together. Instead, Berlusconi answered a cell-phone call and talked for so long that the Chancellor lost patience and went on alone. He is inappropriate, loud, an admitted jokester and an alleged criminal but more importantly, he has more money than you or I could ever shake a stick at. This has made him invulnerable, powerful and basically invincible to the normal afflictions of men and women.

Beginning a career in banking and media in the 1960s, the Italian PM is today worth almost 10 BILLION US$, owns the AC Milan soccer team and directly or indirectly controls 90% of Italian newspapers and television stations. Over the decades, he has been brought to court for corruption, mafia connections, fraud, tax evasion, bribery of officials, blackmail and extortion yet he has a secret weapon that has permitted his criminal record to remain clean. You see, money brings power and owning billions of dollars while being the leader of a country allows you to: delay trial until a statute of limitations expires and you can go free, hire the greatest lawyers on the planet (the current French President Sarkozy used to be on Berlusconi’s defence team), manipulate most of the media coverage surrounding your trials and finally giving up and making a law declaring you immune from legal prosecution forever (law passed by Berlusconi in 2008).

As final proof of money buying more money and loads of smug happiness, here is my compilation of comments by the Italian Prime Minister on the topic of women. Keep in mind that he was re-elected despite all of this and has no future inclination to stop his foolish jokes, attitude and comments - he will simply throw dollars at his problems until they disappear as it seems to have worked in the past.

Top 5 sexist or chauvinist comments by Silvio Berlusconi that would normally land a middle-class person in court or in the infirmary with testicular torsion.

1. In May 2005, Berlusconi wanted to negotiate the hosting of a European Food Safety Authority meeting in Parma, Sicily rather than in Helsinki, Finland. Besides opening the negotiation by announcing on television that the Fins “don't even know what prosciutto is”, he also implied that he would “dust off my playboy skills” and seduce the female President of Finland, Tarja Halonen, into getting his way.

2. Later in 2005, he was in New York selling Italy as a prime market for future investment on Wall Street. It made international headlines when his main pitch was: “we have the most beautiful secretaries in the world”.

3. In 2008, without anyone asking him to comment on the particular subject, he blurted out in an open session of parliament: “the left (wing) has no taste, even when it comes to women”. He continued jamming his foot in his mouth by saying that it was simple fact that the right (Berlusconi’s conservative party)’s female politicians were much more attractive than the left (socialists) ones.
   

4. Again in 2008, the PM was being interviewed live on television during an electoral season and was being asked direct questions from the audience of voters. One young woman cordially asked about the lack of stable and paying jobs for her generation. Berlusconi simply answered that "with the smile that you have" should try marrying his son as a long-term career plan.

5. Finally, at the beginning of 2009, Berlusconi took his vapid humour to new levels of insensitivity, especially towards women. A new crime wave nationwide led to Silvio introducing 30000 new military controllers, ten times more than before. When asked by a female journalist if this would be enough to prevent the increasing cases of rape, he thoughtfully replied: "We would need as many soldiers as beautiful women and I don't think that would be possible, because our women are so beautiful". Please keep in mind that if you are an attractive young women travelling in Italy, the local Prime Minister cannot possible be persecuted for raping you. You are basically asking for it.

In lieu of a thoughtful conclusion tying up all of the loose ends, I will leave it up to former disco group ABBA. On the subject of the G20 round table of men and women controlling the world and one particular man at that same table whom effectively bought himself a license to kill, Annifrid, Bjorn, Benny and Agnetha offer the following words about our powerlessness in it all:

"Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
Aha-ahaaa
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world”

(Pictured: Silvio Berlusconi souring relations with Spain by doing a cockold sign behind their foreign minister at an official photo op - A few years back, Berlusconi and Vladimir Putin of Russia went on a Russian talk show and when the host asked a difficult question of Mr. Putin, Berlusconi pointed "gun fingers" at her to indicte that the KGB is sooo gonna get her. She subsequently fled the country and Berlusconi publicly said that he found it hilarious - G20 meeting in London where Barack Obama (USA), Dimitri Medvedev (Russia) and Silvio are celebrating the joy of having money)

End.