The Dark Continent

June 27th 2008 – The southern African country of Zimbabwe will hold ‘’elections’’ this Friday in an unprecedented exercise in democracy. The ballot will oppose incumbent president Robert Mugabe who has held power since the independence of the nation in 1987 and the leader of the opposition Morgan Tsvangirai. Or at least it should... Unfortunately, Mr. Tsvangirai has withdrawn from the race earlier this week for reasons that were universally hailed as reasonable. Therefore, Mugabe will run unopposed and almost guarantees himself another win at the age of 84.

Over a month ago, a first round of elections gave Tsvangirai the win by a clear majority yet the 3 weeks delay before the results were announced made the international community quite suspicious about the actual “dead-heat” of the results. It is at this point that international observers from other African nations, the United Nations and the European Union left Zimbabwe to escape a possible civil war. It was then announced that we would have a second round of elections since the original poll was almost too close to call.

Since then, a few weeks have passed where Tsvangirai and the opposition have been imprisoned twice, hundreds of thousands of their supporters have been displaced, intimidated and killed and 86 of the opposition representatives have been assassinated. Fearing further violence, especially for the electors going to the polls this Friday, Tsvangirai threw in the towel, putting an end to this masquerade that President Mugabe has called a democracy.

Mugabe has used a Putin-like subtlety in his legendary respect for democracy: he originally made it a capital offense for the opposition to hold public meetings, affirmed that his presidency is a gift from God, banned international media under threat of imprisonment and death, said he would go to war if he lost and now, as the international community decries these mock elections, he claims that the Zimbabwean people will have the last word and only they can decide how democracy will apply to them.

President Bush and the entire United Nations Security Council have condemned the actions of Mugabe and confirm that they will disregard the results of Friday’s elections. Now, considering the extreme poverty of the Zimbabwean people, the international community can’t morally do much more than that. Mugabe actually holds his people hostage, knowing full well that the United States will not impose economic sanctions or even decrease aid payments, punishing the poorest of the poor. It is quite clear that President Mugabe does not have much to lose by acting like an African Tyrant of which we’ve seen so many.

For example, Charles Taylor ruled with a royal fist over Liberia for 7 years where he instated torture, amputations and the basic enslavement of the Liberians for his own enrichment, all for the liberation and greater good of his people. He is now on trial in The Hague for crimes of war. Further east, General Mobutu of the former Zaire held an iron martial fist over his country and stole all international aid money during his 32 year reign, all for the liberation and greater good of his people. He ended up with a fortune of over 4 billion dollars and recently died in exile. Finally, still further east, General Idi Amin presided over Uganda for 8 years in the 1970s. Up to 500,000 people could have been assassinated during his regime including: all Asians whom he deported, political opponents, various ethnic Ugandans and many more. He again humbly claimed the liberation of his people and then titled himself “ His Excellency, President for Life, Field Doctor Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular”. Amin fled to Libya when his people had enough and died there at the ripe old age of 80.

On the one hand, President Mugabe of Zimbabwe will say that we cannot understand the needs of his people; on the other hand, all the other African tyrants claimed the same motives before they were violently overthrown by the very people they wanted to save. All in all, there is currently not much that can be done to help the ACTUAL people of Zimbabwe (the ones that are scared of not feeding their family tonight rather than pleasing the international community with democratic elections). I guess we are simply lucky that Mugabe is not yet as violently “patriotic” and “heroic” as his dictatorial predecessors.

(Pictured: Conference of evil: President Mobutu of Zaire and his sponsor Nixon - A concerned President Robert Mugabe)

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Poll results Jan-June 2008

June 17th 2008 – Here are the poll results for the first half of 2008:

Question: Which of the following countries is on the verge of returning to a system of monarchy/theocracy/dictatorship? Total number of votes: 357.

I must say I am quite surprised by the results since I specifically chose these countries at the beginning of the year, when tumultuous events were taking place in them.

In last place, Pakistan won 3% or 11 votes. Considering that in late December, President Pervez Musharraf suspended the constitution, declared martial law and his main opposition leader (Benazir Bhutto) was subsequently assassinated, this result is shocking. Pakistan could easily have remained in a military dictatorship indefinitely following these events although Musharraf has loosened his grip on power somewhat since then.

Next, Russia came in fourth with 8% or 28 votes. Again, this is confusing considering the drastic military, political and economic actions of Putin’s regime against Chechnya, Georgia, Ukraine, the Baltic States and the European Union so far in 2008. Furthermore, the fact that Putin hand-picked his successor after the end of his 2 terms, and that he basically named himself prime minster after that, circumvents all semblance of a stable democracy in the former soviet capital.

In third place, Canada gained 14% or 51 votes. I had originally entered this country as a joke and thought that the few votes for it would be jokes as well. Unfortunately, I can’t ignore the 14% it ended up with. Without a doubt, Canada is the most stable political entity of these 5 countries with a 130 year history of continuous democracy. Its current conservative government has lowered taxes, raised the age of consent to 16 and reinforced federalism throughout the land. I fail to see the threat of Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s impending dictatorship.

In second place, just edging out Canada, we find Kenya with 15% or 53 of the votes. Considering the shambles that was the last election in which civil war was narrowly avoided, I fail to see why Kenya’s results are so close to Canada’s. As with most of the burgeoning African republics, a lengthy history of tribal monarchies and a trivial delimitation of territories during colonisation have made them prone to an eventual return towards a political tradition far from a stable democracy.

Finally, our grand number 1 is Japan with a staggering 60% or 214 votes. At the end of last year, President Shinzo Abe quit his position due to extreme exhaustion, a few ministers quit amidst corruption inquiries and another committed suicide due to allegations of money laundering. Furthermore, Japan suffers from excessive problems of overcrowding, poverty and suicide. Being a country that is over 98% homogeneously Japanese, the lack of immigrants also leaves us with a lack of ‘outsider’s insight’ into these societal problems. Therefore, perhaps this first place is well warranted for reasons beyond my understanding. That being said, Japan has comfortably established and maintained a stable democracy following the military imperialism of World War 2. The extreme right and left political elements are quite marginal and the constitutional monarchy in place does not seem to want a return to absolutism. I don’t believe we will soon see another Empire of the Rising Sun.

I wish my poll had a commentary section to understand the overwhelming lead that Japan gained or the lack of interest for Pakistan and Kenya in the first half of 2008. All in all, most Japanese news services are currently occupied with a massive earthquake that occurred this weekend as well as the rising costs of gas and of food. Much like the western world, Japan shows very little sign of wanting a monarchy/theocracy/dictatorship to replace the current liberal freedoms they enjoy.

It was a very informative survey that leaves me with many more questions than answer. A new poll will be up shortly.

(Pictured: The military flag of Japan and its tragic end in Nagasaki 1945, things they won't soon forget.)

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Crazy Clintons

June 7th 2008 – Hillary Clinton will announce today the formal end of her 16 month campaign for the American Presidency. This leaves but one candidate for the Democratic Party nomination, Mr. Barack Obama to whom Mrs. Clinton should reluctantly offer her support. This concession finally concludes an unthinkably long and exciting race to the Democratic Nomination. We almost forgot that the bi-party race for President of the United States hasn’t begun yet. Without wanting to be racist or ageist, I must state the simple fact that the imminent 2008 elections will boil down to voting for a black man or a very old man. You would think ideas, campaign platforms or visions for the future will be important to the average American elector yet we all know the blue states will vote blue and the red states will vote red. The few swing states that actually matter will be swayed into either camp simply by how aggressive and poignant the negative campaigning will be. I strongly believe that Obama has an advantage and will win the race because it will be terribly difficult for McCain to subtly capitalize on his opponent’s blackness.

That being said, this blog entry is actually a salute to Hillary Clinton and to women everywhere who know there is nothing wrong with being a bitch. Barack Obama presumptively won the Democratic nomination weeks ago but confirmed his win on Tuesday by gaining over half of the total amount of possible votes. This simply means that, try as she might, there was no longer any possibility of her winning. Did that stop her? NOooooo, she was angry, disappointed and sad therefore she didn’t concede. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, over 80 hours since everyone knows it’s over and she still doesn’t give up and even encourages her supporters to donate more money to her campaign. Yes, it is shredding apart the Democratic Party, it is decimating the small amount of public interest left in this election year before it actually begins, it makes the United States appear divided and weak to the eyes of the world yet she is exercising her God-given right to be a bitch and no one can fault her for that. Some people say that she is vying for a Vice-Presidential slot but I believe it is a bit early to give any rational explanation to her behaviour. She has the right to be a bitch just as Obama has the right to humiliate his former-opponent when he announces his Vice-President: Mr. or Mrs. Anyone but Hillary.

It was an exciting race, for the Democrats that is, and now that it is over, many political analysts are drawing parallels between other great electoral clashes in American History. For your reading pleasure, here is a short list of equally enticing historical campaign battles from around the world.

1) 2004, Presidential elections of Ukraine between the incumbent Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych (Pro-Russia) and opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko (Pro-West). This election, dubbed the Orange Revolution, took several months to conclude amongst accusations of vote rigging, recount upon recount and several assassination attempts. The result was a new Ukraine under Yushchenko (who is still president) turned away from Moscow and towards the future.
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2) 2000, Presidential election of the USA between Republican candidate George W. Bush and Democratic candidate/incumbent Vice-President/Swell guy Al Gore. The campaign itself was uneventful; it was a former VP that operated in the tarnished shadow of Bill Clinton for 8 years and an admitted alcoholic whose dad was once president. The fun began in the three months of recounts and Supreme Court rulings that followed one of the closest electoral results in US history. In the end, Al Gore won the election with 50,999,897 votes against Bush’s 50,456,002 votes. Unfortunately, it is at this point that the world was told the USA existed in a parallel, electoral-bizarro universe where Bush won anyway.
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3) 1960, Presidential election of the USA between Republican candidate/incumbent Vice-President Richard M. Nixon and Democratic candidate/Playboy John F. Kennedy. This is actually the closest vote is America’s electoral history: 34,220,984 for Kennedy Vs. 34,108,157 for Nixon. It was an exciting race (with persistent rumours of vote theft) between these epic characters who fought about winning the Cold War, winning the Space Race, desegregating America and keeping those Germans down. This is in violent contrast with today’s preoccupation of Wheat producer’s subsidies, endless education reforms and ‘going green’. Although JFK won, both candidates went on to become some of the most notorious American Presidents in History.

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4) 1933, German election for Chancellor between the National Socialists (Hitler’s Nazi Party) and the other parties (Franz von Papen). Von Papen had been Chancellor for many years during the economic downfall of the country (1929-1933) and his failure to cope with the consequences of depression led the German people to vote for people who could (to be fair, the Nazis quickly solved the economic problems of Depression, once in power). Thus, the relatively close elections of 1928 and 1932 preceded a landslide in 1933: Hitler was made chancellor and his party (NSDAP) won 43.9% of the votes while the second closest, the Socialists (SPD), won only 18.3%. Further proof of these extreme choices resides in the third strongest party during these elections, the Communist KPD with 12.3% of the vote. Although the rise of the Nazis had been foreseen for a long time, 1933 marks the beginning of our apocalypse that was 1939-1945.
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5) 1519, Imperial election of the Holy Roman Empire (Germanic) between Spanish/Austrian/Dutch King Charles Vth and French King Francis Ist. These men of legendary egos (without forgetting their contemporary British King, Henry VIIIth) battled for this throne that was to be decided by a vote of nobles. Although the title does not give any real power (Germany being 1000 different Kingdoms, principalities and republics at this point, each with different laws), it was a way of ‘one-upping’ each other between the rich monarchs of Europe. The new emperor was crowned by the Pope and with Charles Vth’s easy win; he effectively surrounded his perpetual enemy, the French.

I could probably write a book on interesting elections from around the world and throughout time yet for now, these are the five elections that strike me as immediately fascinating. I am no fool and I know fully well that the impending elections between Obama and McCain will never shoulder these historic events yet I must thank Hillary Clinton for the eclectic spice she added to what would have otherwise been a generally dull process.

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(Pictured: A 1932 Nazi campaign poster demanding Freedom 'Freiheit' and bread 'Brot' - Crazy Clinton - possibly the first American President to be so skinny.)

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